Mother Died…How Long Do We Keep Her Things?

Sep 01, 2023

Separating from a loved one’s belongings is one of the more difficult jobs you will have to do after a death. It is amazing how much is collected over a lifetime. You probably won’t get it done in a day and you will probably shed a few tears.

Ask for help. Accepting and asking for help is harder than you might think. It is hard to turn over the decision of what goes and what stays to someone else. If your offer of help is refused, be understanding. Your mother may need to handle every one of your deceased father’s possessions before anything can go. Give her some time and then offer to help again a little later. Offering to box or bag after items have been sifted through is a huge help.

If you are the decision maker, consider providing some guidelines and then letting go. It’s a big job. Some help will be nice.

First contact your family members to determine what they might be interested in having. Give people some notice and a time limit, “If there is anything that you want from Mom’s wardrobe please come and get it before next week. I am going to sort through then and will be giving things to charity.”

Second, make it a goal to handle things once. To keep you on track, get boxes, bins or bags and mark them FOR CHARITY, FOR TRASH, TO KEEP. Keep those boxes moving. At the end of the day take the trash to the trash and the charity to the donation site so that you won’t be tempted to go through them just one more time.

If you are thinking about having a sale, think long and hard. People haggle at tag and garage sales. Are you emotionally prepared to dicker over the value of your dad’s favorite tie or his collection of fishing lures? Might it be better to think of his things finding new homes with people who need them? Sales are a lot of work, be kind to yourself, avoid taking on too much.

Procrastination won’t make the task easier. If you cannot take care of the sorting and giving, turn the job over to someone else. If you are a procrastinator, storage units have your name written all over them. Calculate the annual cost. Ask yourself, “What will change between now and next year?” Have a plan. When does the storage end?

Memories are attached to our stuff. You will no doubt take more than a few walks down memory lane. Slow down and enjoy the journey. A life is over, but it’s not forgotten.

www.ballarddurand.com

By Matt Fiorillo 05 Jan, 2024
The Federal Government provides a death benefit for honorable discharged veterans. The dollar amount varies based on where the death occurs (VA hospital) and if the death was service-related. In most cases the benefit is modest and will not cover the entire cost of a funeral, burial, or cremation. Your local funeral home is an excellent resource to help veterans and their families understand the benefit that is available.
By Matt Fiorillo 05 Jan, 2024
Some events only happen once in a lifetime. Graduations, weddings, and funerals are a few of these one-time occasions. That means the way the event is marked makes a lasting impression. If the cake at the wedding was supposed to be chocolate and it was not it does not ruin the marriage or even the day, but it can mar the occasion and it is usually the thing that is remembered. It was not right and it is never forgotten.
By Matt Fiorillo 05 Jan, 2024
The term “green funeral” refers to ceremony, service, and body disposition that focuses on preservation of the earth. Many of those who live “green” also wish to end “green”. Just as living green is carried out in different ways and with many choices, there are also many different methods of having a green funeral. Your funeral director is your best guide to the green funeral options available in your geographic area.
By Matt Fiorillo 05 Jan, 2024
Some things are so simple that it’s easy to doubt their ability to help. In times of trouble, it is often the little things that make all the difference. Chicken soup when you feel a cold coming on, a hug, and a warm chocolate chip cookie all make a person feel better. Even though they don’t really fix the problem, they help.
By Matt Fiorillo 05 Jan, 2024
Many long-standing funeral practices, like viewing the deceased, are undervalued today. Perhaps we should think again? Maybe go slowly? Allow for individual family members to say goodbye in a way that is most meaningful to them.
By Matt Fiorillo 05 Jan, 2024
A husband and father of four dies suddenly. He languishes in the morgue at the coroner’s office for weeks because no one knows what to do and no one is empowered to act. The only thing the kids and grandchildren can agree on is that their father did not want to spend a lot of money on a funeral.
By Matt Fiorillo 05 Jan, 2024
Back in the day, before embalming was wide-spread, flowers surrounded the casket and perfumed the air. Today, it is no longer necessary to have flowers scent the air. And yet, there is something comforting about the presence of flowers at a funeral.
07 Dec, 2023
More Posts
Share by: