John B. Shaffer

John B. Shaffer was a distinguished clinical psychologist, published author of two books, devoted husband, and beloved father and grandfather. He led a remarkable life that combined professional accomplishments with unswerving devotion to his family.

Born to Isidor and Emma Shaffer, John B. Shaffer attended Flushing High School in Queens, New York City. He then obtained his undergraduate degree from Queens College, graduating Phi Beta Kappa. From an early age, John developed a passion for art and especially for films, developing encyclopedic command of older movies that he screened in his youth and continued returning to throughout his life. While at Queens College John developed a close friendship with renowned social psychologist Stanley Milgram, later known for his groundbreaking "Obedience to Authority" experiments. From Queens, John was admitted into Harvard Graduate School for psychology, where he earned a PhD in Clinical Psychology.

John was plucked by Queens College as a promising young professor. Early in his career, he co-wrote a book Models of Group Therapy about felicitating groups with his lifelong friend and Harvard colleague David Galinski.

Following a short marriage that ended in divorce, he eventually met Judy Mesnick/Shaffer, who turned out to be his partner and soul mate in life. Together they raised their two sons, Derek and Evan, whom they showered with love and support in Edgemont, New York. John and Judy alike made it a point to improve upon their own childhood experiences and to fill in for the shortcomings they perceived in their own parents growing up. As hard as John worked on multiple fronts, he always found time for his family.

Once John moved with his family to a house in Edgemont, a suburb of Westchester County, he was able to establish a successful private clinical practice as psychotherapist. Despite all the hours he spent juggling responsibilities as a college professor and practicing clinical psychologist, he still found time to be a present, devoted and loving husband and father. He gladly spent hours playing sports with his sons, attending school events, shuttling to and from activities, sharing his love of films and food with his family and driving thousands of miles along the Eastern coastline for family vacations. John was also an avid conversationalist and host who was especially in demand for the Bloody Marys he'd mix when hosting parties at his house.

One of John Shaffer's proudest career achievements was a second book that he authored, Humanistic Psychology. It advocated for the humanistic school of psychology that John had come to embrace in his clinical work; the textbook's success earned him tenure as a full professor at Queens College. In the classroom, John was an engaging teacher who became renowned for the clinical groups he ran and who developed deep relationships with students, some of whom remained close with John long after they graduated.

Although John Shaffer was not particularly religious or observant as a Jew, his relationship with Judaism was a meaningful one. He and his wife encouraged both of their sons to attend Hebrew School, to appreciate and understand their Jewish roots and identity, and to have a Bar Mitzva.

Later in his career as clinical psychotherapist, John was hired to run a treatment program for sexual offenders at Robert Yeager Center in Rockland Country. The ensuing chapter of his career is testament to John's deep reservoir of compassion. Even among humanistic psychologists, few were willing and able to empathize and work with such a stigmatized population and to navigate such heart-wrenching subject matter in trying to treat these patients, as John did.

Throughout his life, John devoured books, newspapers and magazines. The New York Times was by far his favorite newspaper and The New Yorker by far his favorite magazine. Keenly attentive to current events, John would deploy his latest take-aways from these publications when discussing and debating current events with friends and family. John was particularly religious about studying the Arts Section of The New York Time and talking about the latest developments in theater and film.

That John lived to 90 (and the cusp of 91) may in part be attributable to his commitment to exercise. From his youth, John loved to take long (seemingly endless) walks and swims. In Edgemont, John was the primary, and, indeed, eager, walker of the family dog, Homer. Later in life, he was drawn to taking long walks outside with his younger son, Evan. Indoors, John would do his exercising on a treadmill, elliptical machine, or exercise bike, typically while watching one of the many films that wouldn't otherwise fit within his hectic schedule.

John was also a great fan of travel. If he had any regret in life, it might be that he did not make it to more spots around the globe. Towards the end of his life, he and his wife Judy were able to take fantastic, memorable trips to Hawaii, Alaska, Ireland, Sicily, Argentina, China, and other such far-flung places.

Last but not least, John derived indescribable joy from being a grandfather to his two grandsons and a father-in-law to Meredith, Derek's wife. Since the birth of Derek and Meredith's sons, Declan and Callum, John would enjoy frolicking with them more so than anything else. He was a doting, indulgent grandfather who could never say no and would gladly play whatever games might be asked of him, no matter how juvenile or even dangerous they might be (as one trip to the hospital and several stitches can confirm). It was a surreal sight to see the highly intellectual, Harvard-educated Dr. Shaffer thoroughly absorbed and communing with a five-year old in some incomprehensible game until someone finally pulled them apart. Right up until the end of his life, John would regularly enjoy quality time with his grandsons, whether by visiting them in DC or by vacationing with them in their summer house in Hillsdale, NY, which he enjoyed most of all.

John may not have been famous but he was rightly esteemed by those who knew him well. He combined wisdom, compassion, brilliance and family devotion in a way that few can. And he has left a lasting, positive imprint in the heart, minds and lives of countless colleagues, patients and students whom he touched over the course of his long career. Most importantly, he will be treasured by the family he leaves behind, all of whom grieve the loss of him: his wife, Judy; his sons, Derek and Evan; his daughter-in-law, Meredith; and his grandsons, Declan and Callum

If anyone would like to make a donation in John's name, he would have liked for it to go to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), at www.nami.org.